Friday, November 25, 2022

Two of My Favorite Things


Daisy can’t decide which blanket is more comfortable!

When it comes to the winter season I have my two favorite blankets and two favorite immune support supplements. It is hard to choose a favorite! Sometimes it depends upon the day. Barefoot dreams take me through all the seasons much like Panexea AntiBioBotanical. Yet; a heavy wool blanket and Immune-T give the extra weight you may need during the cold winter nights. Which would you choose? I am happy to consult on both throws and supplements! I'm a consumer of both! And if you can't decide there are times; like Daisy suggests when you need both!

Hello; listing my two favorite supplements to have on hand as immune support for both viral and to help prevent bacterial infections. If you would like more information on either of these products or companies please don’t hesitate to call or email. Lettierome@gmail.com (602) 300-4870. Both supplements are resting on my favorite throw; also linked (no affiliation). 

Mountain Peak Nutritionals 

Panaxea - Info on Dr. Weber  some information will be blocked if not a practitioner; however the about and further info and links can be found on Dr.Weber 

Given my personal immune status and vulnerability, I take both of these as a baseline during cold/flu season. If I feel an acute illness coming on I increase to a therapeutic dose.

Neither company can be found on Amazon or other nonmedical sites so if you see it there please buyer beware. 

Immune-T is an excellent combination of vitamins, herbals, and mushroom blend. Immune T has a higher dose of Vitamin A which is an excellent antiviral. Vitamin A like its cousin D is fat soluble; therefore it’s best to take with food. The immune-T dosage has the upper recommended dose for Vitamin A; therefore should be used with care at more than two capsules per day for an extended time period. Mountain Peak has a chronic immune formula; Immune-LT that does not have Vitamin A so can be taken safely as a preventative.

The second is one of my favorite companies Panexea; founded by Daniel Weber, PhD MSC. Dr. Weber is a prolific author, speaker, practitioner, and leader of the team that creates research-based formulas. Besides AntiBioBotancial; a broad spectrum antibacterial and antiviral formula they have added two products specifically for viruses including SARS and specifically the multi-organ system effects of COVID-19. Panexea is an Australian company whose products are held to pharmaceutical standards.

Finally, my favorite leopard print throw - which is a toss-up to the wool blanket. I coveted this Barefoot Dreams blanket for years before I  purchased it and then was gifted a second one! It’s a splurge item that I haven't regretted; it feels like a warm hug. I just checked they are having a sale! Hurry that doesn’t come often. Barefoot Dreams. The other throw shown above where Daisy can’t decide was one of my favorite Christmas Gifts.  Unfortunately, that pattern is no longer available; however, a good wool blanket will last you a lifetime. Wool makes a huge difference in warmth so you can turn down the heat and get tucked in for the night! Wishing you all sweet dreams and a Happy Post-Thanksgiving weekend. 

Disclaimer: The Information in this post is for general informational purposes only. Please contact your personal medical provider when making any changes to your health routine. Always use caution when pregnant or breastfeeding. If you are suffering from a fever, difficulty breathing, or continued cough please see your doctor immediately to rule out more serious conditions. As always; be safe and in the best health. Heather 


Wednesday, November 23, 2022

Gratitude and Grief

She’s getting it - Grateful

Is it time to play yet ?



Dear Friends and Family, 
Below is a special Holiday Consulting Offer
Lettierome@gmail.com
602-300-4870

This morning; I opened my eyes and all I could feel was dread. Unrefreshed sleep is a paramount symptom of Myalgic Encephalomyelitis. I have spoken about this before; it means it doesn't matter how well you sleep; I wake up every morning feeling worse than I went to bed. Part of it is confused awe that I can still get surprised. However, since the late afternoon and evening normally is my best time it is a bitter slap in the face each morning.

As we approach Thanksgiving; which use to be my favorite Holiday I am struggling. My repetitive diet, it is a visual reminder of all the wonderful food that comforts one soul that I can no longer touch. But more than that is the lively gatherings that often had random friends or neighbors join, the ritual of watching Friends on tv, and then the post-Thanksgiving meet-up of whoever was in town. There is so much I miss; that is the time one must flip the switch to what we have, and Thanksgiving is a reminder to hold onto those memories of easier days and reflect on what is beautiful about today.

However, when I woke up this morning feeling like begging the powers that be to disappear into sleep so I could dream of my previously full life; I stopped myself. I went through the list of everything I was grateful for starting with my health. I am grateful I can see. I am grateful I can hear. I am grateful I can walk; though not as far as I would hope. I am grateful for this incredibly comfortable bed and being snuggled in beneath its cocoon. I am grateful I am healthy without any additional acute illness on top of my chronic one today. I am grateful my parents are in good health. I am grateful that in an hour Daisy will come here with my mom and take her extra morning nap next to me. I am grateful my extended family is safe. I am grateful that soon I will have my morning coffee in my H mug which brings me joy and peace. I am grateful that though I am not better right now I am not worse; I can breathe.

As I slowly get adding to my list of gratitudes (do not get me wrong it wasn't the perfect salve for my broken heart) it was a productive act. I miss with every fiber of my being my pre-ME life. The loss at times feels as if I am being swallowed whole falling into an abyss while simultaneously being crushed from above - no escape. It is as confusing as this disease itself. If you are facing similar pre Holiday stresses; please know you are not alone. Reach out to someone you know will have a compassionate ear, or reach out to someone you know may need one more than yourself. 

I am grateful for all of you that may have recently joined or been on this road with me for much longer than I had anticipated. I had thought by this time I would be travel blogging from my walk along the French Riveria. As this Holiday is upon us; I am wishing you all the most optimal health. However, this post is coming live from Wisconsin - for now 🌊 ❤️.

Since I wrote my last post, from coast to coast I know of people battling viral infections. Even though I had written about this trend it was alarming how many I know have been hit hard. I hold my Naturopathic license in Vermont and two days ago received an emergency alert about hospitals reaching their capacity. I had been working on a more technical post; however, I wanted to lead with this one of Thanksgiving; and felt the time was of the essence and not something to be delayed by my many "trashed" posts. 

Thanksgiving rolls us into a season of gatherings, and changes in eating habits that tax our digestive systems. Seventy percent of our immunity is in our gut. Therefore, I do want to mention some pre Holiday steps to enhance intestinal immunity.

I will be listing the suggestions below and offering a reduced consultation fee to place an order through my practitioner-only accounts. Being a patient myself; my goal is to set my consulting practice more heavily on my time and knowledge than profiting from supplements. Therefore; I will be doing a $50 fee and any products ordered will be billed at wholesale plus the taxes and company drop ship charge. I will be doing this arrangement through January first the discounted consultation price is twofold will cover my time to set up your order and also gives us an opportunity to get acquainted. My goal is to do the best I can with my knowledge to help lessen the severity or any long-term health issues and get us all to spring safely.

This post will include Immune support for your digestive system and the next more general immune support. These photos are examples and all can be customized to meet your specific needs.

Pre, Pro, and Post biotics. A diverse biome the research is coming in so fast it is difficult to keep up with. I will attach w few articles for those of you who would like to go down the rabbit hole with me as more specific research is being completed. However, there is no doubt a strong healthy intestinal tract is paramount for our overall health and the gut-lung axis. And this trifecta of "biotics" is a place to start.

Gut Zoomer is one of many testing companies that can be used to identify your personal gut health. However, if you have no immediate concerns this is an area one can look at down the line with a more in-depth consultation. PCI is another company to work with more individual concerns.


Pre-Biotic


There are many Pro-Biotics to choose from and chewable or powder for children 

The most fascinating research is coming out about Short Chain Fatty Acids - the bi-product of the fermentation of the digestive microbes. Butyrate is one of those hot topics


Creating a protective barrier for your intestines 

Please contact me if you would like to place an order and at that time if before my next post we can discuss what I think all families would benefit from in their medicine cabinets if the cold/flu or COVID breaches your Holiday festivities. 

Research Articles:

How Dietary Microbe could team up for Flu Prevention - St. Louis University

Intestinal Flora to Combat SARS-COV-2 Infection 

Exogenous Glutamine in Respiratory Disease - Fact or Myth

Interplay Between Gut Microbe and Immune System

Probiotics In Immunity and Respiratory Health

Butyrate connecting the Gut Lung Axis (post-biotic)

As you can see from this brief sampling of research articles there is so much information constantly emerging and improving. It is easy to get bogged down; but we can simplify it by seeing where your digestive health is now and how to improve upon it, especially during this Winter season. 

In Gratitude, Heather

email: lettierome@gmail. Text/call 602-300-4870

DISCLAIMER: This information above is to be used as recommendations and not a substitution for your primary care doctor's advice. Also; please if you are suffering from a high fever, difficulty breathing or excessive fatigue do not hesitate to get immediate medical care. The NIH in collaboration with Careevolution just created a website to track COVID-19 home tests. This data will be of great help to make informed decisions; to track COVID-19 numbers. If you do take a home test please use the following link Make My Test Count for both positive and negative tests.




Wednesday, November 16, 2022

Triple Threat

Are we done yet ?

We have all learned more than we ever hoped to in our lifetime that viruses and cockroaches have a lot in common - they are built to last. I hope this post helps to give a bit of perspective and fortitude as we head into the third year of COVID-19 along side a difficult cold and flu season. The next few posts I’ll be sharing some of my favorite holistic and natural tools to have on hand to have a more compete medicine cabinet. But first, I thought it may help to remind ourselves how far we have come; while not abandoning what has worked. 

Most of you know the Western Medical toolbox: Vaccine, anti-virals, and symptom support. It is important to remember the symptoms are the body's reaction to the invader. Vaccines are aimed at priming the immune system to recognize the invader so it can use fewer troops to help knock it down. One of the initial and continuing challenges with COVID-19  was a novel virus; our bodies didn't recognize it. Unlike the flu our bodies over the years have gotten accustomed to different versions; let's say it is the classic camel hair winter coat. It is a reliable, never goes out of style companion. Sure each year fashion houses reinvent the classic; but at the end of the day, it is cut from the same cloth. Thus, your immune system recognizes it. Some years you may get knocked around worse than others but by in large we have a been there done that attitude. 

Lady Gaga wearing Max Mara - Italy 

Then there is COVID-19 and it bursts onto the scene not even in the normal season; forget fall apparel we are pre-releasing a Spring multi-use coat that covers every season. Move over the boring classic camel hair wool blend we are coming in hot like Betsey Johnson on steroids. We are shaking up the industry with every color of the rainbow, fabric, texture, and length. Forget Park Avenue this is a Meat Packing rave before it was trendy. You won't know what hit you.

Betsey Johnson Spring 2013  

Our immune systems took notice and lost their goddamn minds and not in a good way. So the normal immune response went into an overreaction - the Cytokine Storm. This storm was our pro-inflammatory system going off the rails. This excessive reaction is now the body harming; while it was really just trying to do its job. This overachiever attitude brought with it incredible danger. We as a society paid dearly.

August 2021 the first COVID-19 vaccine was FDA approved. Prior to that medical treatments included antibody treatments, and then came antivirals combined with slowly a better understanding of how to treat COVID-19. The tsunami had passed but the storm was still brewing. Therefore we kept in place the age-old practices of times past; masking, social distancing, and improving indoor air ventilation systems. This had a twofold effect; one it slowed the spread to allow hospitals to not be overburdened but it also has had the rebound effect of having our immune systems get a little laisse-fair. 

So here we are entering the Winter of 2022 and sorry to be the realist but this triple threat isn't the newly demure and calm JLo; we are going back to Jenny from the Block about to skyrocket to international fame. We are in the wild west of Bennifer and haven't come out on the other side.  This triple threat epidemiologically is a party all its own; a bad one. We have virgin immune systems, mingling with a party of viruses all while the protective measures have been abandoned. This is entering nothing good happens after 2AM territory. This is Ben off the rails in a Casino before the Phoenix rising back tattoo and Jennifer being hounded by paparazzi to catch a tear. This is being bogged down by the reviews of Gigli. If Ben and Jen made it to the other side better than before; certainly we can. But we can’t give up; it’s not 1918 so while we are much better equipped medically this virus is globe trotting as much as our newlyweds.


The Spanish Flu lasted from 1918 to 1920. The first "passenger" aircraft was in 1926 when Western Air Express pilot Jimmy James did his mail route from Salt Lake City to Los Angeles with two passengers coming along for the ride; seated on top of the mail. Thus the virus didn't have human vectors globetrotting. We live in a mobile world economy that just gave this virus an around-the-world ticket. That along with the very nature of modern life gave the virus a leg up at mutations. The longer a virus circulates the more opportunity it has to evolve and change. How often have you heard someone say I got the flu shot but still got the flu? Well, that's not shocking the flu vaccine is made on the best predictive value of which virus will circulate. Some years it's a bull's eye other it's on the outer ring. That doesn't mean it offers no protection but nothing is a bulletproof vest. Everything is a layer to help best protect yourself and the community at large.

So what can we do this Winter of 2022 to take the temperature down so to speak? We can look around and know we learned a few things and not be afraid to implement some changes for the winter season. First, something that I believe sociologists will be studying for years to come - mask up. Not your paisley print cloth mask; a KN95 when in large social gatherings indoors. Recently, there was a report if everyone would just mask in the airport and during take-off and landing while the air ventilation system isn't on it would make a significant dent in transmission. We aren't just talking about COVID but all viruses during this time of year. I know a number of teachers that worked through the pandemic and the one thing they all had in common they didn't get knocked down by their yearly winter cold/flu. We know it works, but it has become a sign of fear versus strength. Take back your power, mask up; flip the script on the false narrative. 

Test. We have tests; use them. Add that layer of precaution before you have a large Holiday gathering. Ventilate. Grab an air purifier or crack a few windows if you do have company. 

Finally, do the best you can to practice handwashing and common sense. If you don't feel well; try your best to contain your virus to a smaller perimeter. Watch the sugar. The holidays come and hibernating for the winter and our bodies crave those sweet snacks; unfortunately, viruses love them just as much as you do. Remember; our immune systems have been benched; think of yourself as an athlete coming back after an injury; slow and steady for long-term gain. 

This is the main lesson I feel with all the bickering that has been lost. A slow re-entry to the days before can really pay off in the long term. Masks unfortunately have become a trigger of COVID and how our lives were turned upside down, but it doesn't have to mean it has to be worse. Maybe we learned something? We can protect each other, and ourselves if we just meet halfway. 

We thankfully are moving away from death as the main fear of COVID; writing this US daily death count was 385 on November 15th. But based on lag time and increases in Europe we can unfortunately expect that number to uptick. Now we must address Long COVID which does not seem to care about your vaccination status, the severity of illness and worse every COVID re-infection increases the possibility of a major debilitating disease state. Unlike hospitalized COVID the toolbox for post covid sequela is sitting empty; it is a landmine of unknowns playing catch-up. Current estimates are 18 million Americans are suffering from Long COVID, and an alarming will fall under the umbrella of Myalgic Encephalomyelitis. Educate on Long COVID data from October 2022; knowledge is power.  

We all want to go into the closet and grab the well-aged classic winter coat; it's nostalgic and a place of comfort. Unfortunately, our reality has changed and the sooner we accept that and adapt to that we can move forward healthier together. So we aren't back to camel hair yet, but we've come a long way. We’ve returned to a traditional cut and style maybe just in violet for the time being. Then when the time is right and on our own terms we will find ourselves reaching for our Betsey Johnson with a sigh of relief. We’re just not there yet…but we will be. 

Heather & Daisy 

For more information on Long COVID; Ryan Prior of Forgotten Plague released his book The Long Haul today.

Wellness consults available: email lettierome@gmail.com

In Health, Heather







Saturday, October 22, 2022

Shining A Light on the Winter Blues

Autumn in Wisconsin brings with it a bounty of color, crisp cool air, bright sunny days with cerulean cloudless skies, and the much-anticipated pumpkin lattes. However, while many are turtleneck-loving Fall enthusiasts, others dread the beginning of Autumn due to Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) and its less intense cousin subsyndromal SAD, also known as the winter blues. The further north from the equator is directly linked to an increase in SAD diagnosis. 


Seasonal Affective Disorder is not considered a unique diagnostic entity. Rather, it is categorized under Major Depressive Disorder with a seasonal component. While most cases of SAD are brought on by the winter, it is possible to experience symptoms in the summer months as well. The most common symptoms of winter SAD include the apt acronym: a sad mood, lack of motivation, desire to withdraw from social situations, lethargy, sleepiness, irritability, and difficulty concentrating. Another hallmark symptom of Seasonal Affective Disorder is craving sugars and carbohydrates. While these foods may temporarily lift one’s mood, they also result in undesirable winter weight gain. Conversely, those that deal with summer SAD often exhibit a loss of appetite, unintended weight loss, agitation, and anxiety. In rare circumstances, one can even exhibit violent behavior. 


Currently, SAD affects women at a rate four times higher than men, often first developing between ages 18-30. However, no age group is excluded, and stress brought on by life circumstances may make one more prone to its hold. It is estimated there are more than three million US cases per year.


Seasonal Affective Disorder is now a widely accepted medical diagnosis that came to fruition like many medical discoveries: through a little bit of serendipity when the right person moved to the “wrong” state. In the 1980s, Dr. Norman Rosenthal relocated from South Africa to New York to continue his medical training. What Dr. Rosenthal did not anticipate was his decrease in productivity in the dark winter months of New York. Even more surprising was how his productivity improved independently as spring bloomed. This experience led Dr. Rosenthal to his collaboration at the NIH with Al Lewy and Tom Wehr, who were both already researching melatonin and light’s effect on circadian rhythms. 


Thanks to this trio, SAD was officially recognized as a unique depressive disorder. Their groundbreaking work sparked the use of The Seasonal Pattern Assessment Questionnaire and clinical interventions we still use today. Dr. Rosenthal continues to be one of the leading researchers on SAD, and I highly recommend his website www.normanrosenthal.com for more detailed recommendations and resources. Among the resources on his site is poetry Rx which explores the power of our creative nature to cope with mental health struggles. 


The good news for those with SAD is that early interventions can significantly help. Unfortunately, like the winter itself, SAD often creeps up slowly on those affected as fall transitions to winter. Therefore, take note and make some adjustments before the fallen leaves are replaced with the first heavy winter snow.


Light Box Therapy, Antidepressants, and cognitive behavioral therapy are the first-line treatments. Additionally, there are a variety of self-care tools one can implement to help lessen the severity of SAD. 


To understand the treatments available, we can break down what causes the symptoms; SAD is most likely caused by decreased serotonin, altered melatonin levels, and imbalanced circadian rhythms. Moreover, light plays a critical role in balancing circadian rhythms based on both the production and depletion of melatonin. Since blue light from our electronic devices inhibits melatonin before bed, and SAD shows an increase in melatonin during the day, those who suffer from SAD often experience sleepiness during the day and difficulty falling asleep at night. One way to combat this is limiting blue light exposure, especially before bed. Another is investing in a pair of blue light-blocking glasses. 


On the flip side let there be light; the correct light. Light box therapy has stood the test of time as a treatment therapy. Dr. Rosenthal, based on his research, recommends the Carex Day-Light Classic which can be found on Amazon. This is due to its size, angle, and Lux intensity. This particular light box angles down onto you to mimic natural sunlight. It is recommended to be used in the morning, working up to 30 minutes of exposure (not staring directly into the light), and use with caution for those with a diabetic condition due to retinopathy issues and bipolar disorder.


If light box therapy isn’t for you there are plenty of more subtle changes to increase light exposure. Get outside; even when it looks cloudy out it is important to get in nature. Set the mood in your home with extra candles (even the electric ones in the windows). If you don’t have a fireplace, many kinds of electric fireplaces can be found online to enhance your space.


Aside from these changes, it can be beneficial to maintain a balanced routine. Maintaining good sleeping habits is paramount. It is also important to maintain regular physical activity. One way to promote exercise is by focusing on enjoyable ways to move your body. Finally, be mindful that carbohydrate and sugar cravings are part of SAD; being aware that this is part of the disorder can help one to find alternative choices when the cravings hit. A cup of tea with honey may just be enough to take the edge off. Plan now on what you know brings you joy and get items on the calendar to have winter events to look forward to. A little planning can go a long way to help ease the winter blues.


Lastly, talk about it. This is my greatest advice; do not suffer silently because you are not alone. Those that love and care for you may know what is around the bend. Seasonal Affective Disorder is not something you must deal with every year. As more research is done, we have a better understanding and more treatment options. There is always hope when you have the right tools at hand; and when at our best we help each other suffer a little less. 


In closing, SAD can severely impact one’s quality of life. Be sure to contact your primary care provider if you think you or someone you love suffers from these symptoms. 

 

“Autumn whispered to the wind, I fall; but always rise again.” Angie Weiland-Crosby. 

 

Dr. Heather Dreske, Naturopathic Doctor

Patient-centered health consultant. Contact lettierome@gmail.com


Wednesday, March 30, 2022

Thank You Martin, Paused_ME

( Martin of @paused_me (Instagram tag) asked for photos of those suffering from ME for a video he is creating for his foundation. I don’t know all of Martin’s story; I know from our friendship and following him on Instagram he is a lawyer, a talented musician, he has a gorgeous kind girlfriend supporting him every step of the way ( a beautiful partnership), he was mild/moderate until he pushed himself ( as any young 20 something would do ) partying hard-living loud on a vacation with his friends drinking, laughing, smoking pot, jumping from cliffs into crystal clear Mediterranean water. Never could he imagine that trip would be the defining moment. How could he...I know he’s tried HELP apheresis having access living in Germany. I know he is tube-fed. I know he is tenacious, wicked smart, and relentless for a cure. So when he asks - I answer. This is what I shared with him and said if used or not the process was cathartic. Thank you for coming along.) The text below is taken from my Instagram Post in response. 

Always by my side. Bed selfie.
My sweet girl Sophie 
Miss her every single day

 @paused_me Does so much advocacy from the confines of his bed. He asked for people with ME ( pwME) to share some photos of themselves how this disease impacts them. Perhaps being of a different generation I said I don’t have a lot - I won’t let anyone take my picture at my worst. But when I look thru my camera roll on this phone which is from 2014 I can see how many are taken from bed. 

Dark thick blood; sometime maybe 2018
Given long covid is looking at micro-clotting may give some answers
why this treatment has always been effective for me

Home IV Saline biggest blessing and boost
Incredibly difficult veins that look good and deceive
Grateful for my friend who would do them for me 
Slow drip

But what I notice most is the missing. The endless photos I’ve saved from things I haven’t been at; the fact that my nieces and nephew only know this one version of me. I need to think long and hard how it can be still a vital one. Today is hard. Yesterday I made it with my mom to two stores close to home when she was trying to pack for FL and realized she had nothing for hot and humid weather to walk thru Disney Land. It is the first normal mother/daughter shopping we have done in I have no idea years and years. It was important to me because after all her caregiving I wanted her to feel comfortable and nice for my parents vacation with my sisters family. 

Cornucopia for our Forgotten Plague Premiere
Never did I think I would have gotten worse 

Post UV Blood Treatment
Often worse before better - Healing Crisis
Weak - Tired - Grateful

My body is wrecked today but not beyond repair. Tonight Christine arrives from AZ leaving her family for 10 days to help me. Those who know me I’ve never been a Disney or theme park traveler; but I would have gone and popped in lol at the spa ! Another missing. Another my parents stressed that all goes okay. Another in your face reminder I can not care for myself. 

10 Days post the sore throat and "flu" that changed everything
March 2020

Today watching the world go by

So @paused_me ask was a therapeutic look back; sometimes it’s important to acknowledge what has been lost. It is painful. To pretend otherwise is not living the truth. Each day we all pwME do our very best to live our best or some days just get to tomorrow. #mecfs  #postcovid #invisibleillness #stoprestpace #chronicillness #millionsmissing #dotoday #dyingtolive

Christine in 2014 when she would visit for 2 weeks that summer to help
Life before her husband and children. Eight years later still coming to my aide.
Fierce protector - Looks that could kill - Knows what I need before I know
Observant - Supportive - Wicked funny - 
Family we choose


Wednesday, March 16, 2022

Storm is Coming

Original Painting
Simon Lutrin 

It is another worldly vibration that is always humming in the background. Lurking beneath my skin deep into the cells of disarray. The storm is coming; the storm is here, the storm never leaves it continually teases its power and forbearing. You are forced to prepare for the wrath while trying to enjoy the calm. Is there ever a calm? There is an illusion of safety that we create to manage to take on another day. It is no wonder one would end their day in the ray of sunshine; the finale to be luminous rather than dark and alone. We do not live by the same rules. We are here but so very far away. Smiling but no longer from the eyes caught up in unfettered joy. A prisoner with a warden always looming. Toe the line; the imaginary constantly moving line between living and surviving. 

When did we leave this world for our own little kingdom? When was the moment we breached the boundaries and there was no coming back? We live in your world but we are no longer of it; yet so few notice our fading. We don't let them see us fade; because then we would truly disappear. Until then we put pretense of this is enough. It has to be enough because we are told it is and too tired to fight the narrative.

We are no longer alone but we are lonely. We have a community where we never meet in person. Avatars of varying degrees of abilities and we celebrate when one breaks through to the other side; no matter that we know they will return. A temporary reprieve. I'm so tired of them returning. A few break truly free; the young who have headed the warnings to rest until they can't rest anymore add a dash of luck they are truly free. No matter they will always be on probation; they know what was almost lost and play by the rules to keep their freedom. For how long?  That question is never far from their mind. But for those few, very few the storm blew thru and they have a chance to rebuild. The wise ones with a firmer foundation, a newfound awareness the next time the winds will move slightly north and they will feel just a breeze. The breeze their reminder this freedom can be taken away; the next wind may be the hurricane. 

Original photograph 
Cheryl Juech 
( poor photo of the photo )

I have lost all illusions I will ever live without the storm rustling inside of me; perhaps one day our eyes will meet in peace. Until then we battle and we break. It barrels I take refuge. It passes I feel the calm behind the destruction. We look out the window tasting the breeze hoping it has whispered freedom to a fellow traveler and offered the comfort of relief.


Spring 

Disqus for Festzeit