I was talking on the phone last night with one of my best friends' in Phoenix - so i had the advantage of a two hour time difference - and yet it was even getting late by her - and I told her all I did that day and she laughed and said it seems to me you don't really want to go to bed - like a spell you are worried will be broken - and that is exactly how i felt. Most of the time I feel like Sleeping Beauty lying patiently waiting for the magic - medicine - prince - frog -to come to my rescue. I normally am craving bed - can't wait til night comes and i can "night" dream as I have explained before - lying there thinking of all the things i would be doing if not for this illness - longing for someone to wake me up - break the spell - but last night i was putting off going to bed because for almost an entire day it was broken - and the thought of going to bed and waking up tomorrow with all the weights back on was an overwhelming thought process. Yet, the last hour I had spent with my friend I began getting the mini symptoms that I was pushing too far - but i just didn't want it to end....then getting home i called my parents in san francisco then my friend in phoenix - then ate a bit had some juice - went online for awhile - all the same time the voice kept saying ...get in bed the clock is about to strike midnight Cinderella - and you better be ready for it. The thing is - I didn't want to be ready for it - I wanted to stay at the Ball - but then I felt myself running against an imaginary clock as it began to sound off - and I forced myself to go to bed...but instead of night dreaming - I was able to dream about more days exactly like today - maybe my size 9 (okay 9 and 1/2) glass slipper is out there closer than I think -
When I woke up this morning - unfortunately I hurt everywhere - but that hurt and ache lost a bit of its power - it was to be expected - like so many of us with this illness - its the roller coaster nature that plays with your mind - but i can say there wasn't a moment yesterday that i didn't soak in like a child - in wonder and appreciation of all the little things - if it was as simple as those fairy tales...maybe maybe someday..