Friday, March 15, 2013

Code Red

I made a few "fatal" flaws on Wednesday, the main one being I forgot that I am sick.  I felt pretty decent on the way to the doctor, therefore I didn't have lunch, although I brought it with me.  I had a blood treatment which I hadn't had in about 6 weeks after the marathon of vampirish like meetings with my doctor previously.  And it all went, 1, 2, 3!  Ahhh, I feel great!  I even phoned my friend on my way home and said I feel so much better than before my treatment, don't worry about coming over after work.  I still wasn't hungry, so I didn't stay and eat my lunch in the office....fatal flaw number one.  I then decided it was of utmost importance to get a chocolate lava cake at the grocery store I pass on my way home...fatal flaw number 2.  I then thought it would be brilliant to pick up my dog from the groomer before I went home and ate because I was passing it also on the way home...fatal flaw number 3.  And that is where it all started going brutally down hill.

While waiting for Sophie, I started becoming light headed, so told them I would wait in the car because being the first 90 degree day in Phoenix it was warm at Applewood Pet Resort - yep not making that's Scottsdale folks!  So I got Sophie and started slamming a Coke and continued on the one main road that takes me home.  Then everything started going from bad to worse..I  could feel my body just saying enough...too many flaws and we are going down...first I called my mom so I could worry her to death, but needed to be on the phone to maintain some level of thought process.  She insisted I pull over, but at this point I am on a busy road that curves with no side lane and less than 1/2 mile from home.  I could see how this would go down if I pulled over...911 may I help you...yes I am about to pass out, in my car in a 90 degree day with my dog and god help me if you decide to take me to a hospital because you will mess the F up my treatment schedule.  So I didn't stop, my adrenaline kicked in and I took deep breathes and focused on one thing and one thing only - get home.  As I pulled into my complex, sped past both "guard" gates, tore into my shared driveway  barely closed the door on the car and entered the house I grabbed the entire container of juice, too afraid to be on marble tile for a mili second longer than necessary and got onto the sofa.  My mom called my doctor BFF and she moved her 4pm appointment and headed over to my place.  It passed, it took close to 36 hours to feel like a human again but it passed.  

And I was blessed to have a "team" in place for these unexpected but predictable moments of a body that abandons you.  Kristine came over and made me bacon and eggs that I finally managed to eat.  My Dr. BFF stayed and monitored me until she had to leave for her patient.  And Christine 2 as I call her, instead of giving me a hydro came over and "chaperoned" me.  She kept saying I feel like I am doing nothing, and I re-assured her that she was doing exactly what was needed.  She asked me a question, "are you afraid now to go and get the treatment again?" and I almost was shocked, "No" I replied, just the opposite.  And then I smiled to myself and realized how far I have come.  

This episode in the past would have terrified me, but now I was terrified of what may have happened, i.e.: causing an accident or falling on marble tile...but I get it...this is part of the game.  I made "fatal decisions" I acted like a healthy person, and the fact that I even did that...well that's improvement.  There was nothing more gratifying than answering honestly, no the treatments don't scare me at all anymore...going back to where I was with this illness years ago...that scares the living hell out of me.  

It's Friday, and I had another treatment today, and so far so good.  But, I took a driver, I came home and rested and Dr. BFF took Sophie to the vet for me...this illness takes a team.  And I am so grateful for mine.

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