Sunday, November 11, 2012

Free Willy

I took a mental hiatus from writing last week, not by choice but out of necessity to my sanity.  Normally writing is my sanity, however returning from Phoenix after treatments can feel like being re-introduced into the wild. It takes a bit to get my sea legs back after living a life of intense structure and focus to home with all the moving parts a normal life entails.  

And Home isn't what it was before I left.  I came back to half of a house; symbolic of the eleven year relationship that had ended the week and a half before I left for Phoenix.

Missing Pieces
As I explained to the son of my ex sometimes it's really hard to walk away when two people love each other but are not right for each other.  When you begin to realize that without reason or understanding you have begun to cause more harm than good in the name of staying together.  I can only speak for myself, but what I know is I learned a lot about myself and what I need and that I am stronger than I thought I was.  I do not regret the eleven years, on the contrary I feel blessed for where they brought me and I hope in time he can feel the same.  Dis-ease - its an interesting word,  I was uneasy for a long time and I didn't want to look in the mirror and admit to myself that my relationship was bringing more dis-ease to both of us than happiness.


This illness brings you a big picture view of life that I realize can be hard for others to jump on board with at times.  It shows you even if you are not listening  what brings you strength and what weighs you down.  I have learned that my body has very little capacity or tolerance for holding on to ill will.   My anger or disappointment of what went wrong is not buried deep nor being ignored.  Only the two of us know the intricacies that brought us apart, but I prefer to look at it as we completed our journey and can leave with no regrets.  I wish for him the same as myself a joyful life that I can bear witness to from near or far and that our time together was time well spent.

Will be packing again soon...not even worth a trip to the basement

As "they" say with every ending is a new beginning...the first of which is my new niece, Taylor Rose born just on time before her aunt headed to the airport on November 2nd.  Mom and baby are doing well and her siblings are adjusting to the new addition.  There are many changes on the horizon, but one thing is my constant...the bedroom may look different, my favorite comforter may be gone, but my dear baby is still right by my side.

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