I took a mental hiatus from writing last week, not by choice but out of necessity to my sanity. Normally writing is my sanity, however returning from Phoenix after treatments can feel like being re-introduced into the wild. It takes a bit to get my sea legs back after living a life of intense structure and focus to home with all the moving parts a normal life entails.
And Home isn't what it was before I left. I came back to half of a house; symbolic of the eleven year relationship that had ended the week and a half before I left for Phoenix.
This illness brings you a big picture view of life that I realize can be hard for others to jump on board with at times. It shows you even if you are not listening what brings you strength and what weighs you down. I have learned that my body has very little capacity or tolerance for holding on to ill will. My anger or disappointment of what went wrong is not buried deep nor being ignored. Only the two of us know the intricacies that brought us apart, but I prefer to look at it as we completed our journey and can leave with no regrets. I wish for him the same as myself a joyful life that I can bear witness to from near or far and that our time together was time well spent.
|Will be packing again soon...not even worth a trip to the basement