I've been feeling really overwhelmed this past few weeks - mostly because of one really really good day that the clouds seemed to open with the possibility of what was yet to come and then it all came crashing down and its been difficult to wrap my head around it and re-adjust to another new normal - You can't wish this away or ignore it away and it doesn't make all the other stuff in life stand still - I read Carole Radziwill's memoir awhile back - What Remains - and in it she briefly mentions that this memoir is just a slice of this part of her life...and that resonated with me because that is what this blog is - its not the whole picture - its a slice - its a reprieve where I can yell and scream - ask questions and try and find answers of this slice of my life - that without this outlet has the capacity to drown me. It was this realization that this illness could potentially and I felt was beginning to isolate me and define me that forced me to expose it in this form. I could not wait for a book - or a resolution - or peace - I had to find the peace within its constraints.
So, since I have felt a bit whiny these past posts - thought it was time for a reminder of all - or a snip it of what i am grateful for...
1. I have small pores - this may sound ridiculous - but its the truth.
2. When I was about 13 and gawky I was taking a walk and for some reason this thought came in my head - an age where beauty seems to define you - i realized that for once i was happy with my looks - i wasn't the most beautiful - but attractive and it seemed that for some reason people trusted me with their secrets - or their friendship and perhaps if i was like the prettiest circle of popular girls I would be treated differently - now let's be real its not like i still didn't contemplate a nose job - but when i got to that point - i would remind myself of that odd moment when i was 13 and she seemed a bit smarter than the one that desired to go under the knife
3. I have the best dog ever....
4. Currently my family is all pretty healthy -
5. I have good friends - friends that have come and gone and return - and I feel lucky that they always know they can
6. There were very few tornado warnings this summer so far....if any....which i didn't like the heat but that was a welcome trade off
7. I have a really pretty yard
8. I have the best parents ever
9. The invention of DVR - (blessing and curse)
10. I have a really good memory for the important things - despite having the most difficult time with the most basic of - is the liver on the left or the right....
11. I was sick in my tweens - healthy in my twenties - sick in my thirties - the forties gives me hope - there is always still hope - that some are not given -