Monday, December 31, 2012

get what you need...

My Friend Dr. Forrest Beck's Book
Cultivating the Fine Art of Selfishness

It's hard to ask for what you need.  Perhaps it's the biggest lesson I have learned if I look back with nostalgia on the last year.  You learn how fragile love is and sometimes mistakes we made way in the beginning set you up for success or failure without you even recognizing it.  That is the hardest part, sometimes it is just too late, and that would be the saddest love story of all if you didn't take the lessons from the past and try and right those wrongs.  I am slowly learning that asking for what you need is perhaps the least selfish of acts.  I will get back at you in 2014 and let you know...

I am not very good at saying good-bye, in fact in a world filled with enough pain to "fill this planet" there is rarely a situation that I can point to malicious intent and lay down the gauntlet of forever shunned.  Perhaps it comes from living a life a bit less than you had hoped for and understanding how hard I try every day to do my best and acknowledge that I am pretty sure most others do too.  Maybe they don't succeed or even fail miserably, but I don't doubt that most people are kind and good and when they go to bed at night they ponder the mistakes of the day and try their best not to repeat them tomorrow.  Most of us hardly need others pointing out our failures, thanks though, I've got that covered all by myself.

I guess if I could wish for anything this coming year it's forgiveness.  I know living with this illness I have a sensitive barometer for happiness and sadness.  When those that I love are in pain or suffering I find it difficult to shield myself from those ills.  I have learned again and again that I have no place for ill will, it brings me down more than it ever would those that it is directed at, and perhaps those that we want to direct our anger and disappointment in if we could dig a bit deeper and see through a lens of compassion we could empower someone rather than tear them down further.  When kindness isn't necessarily earned I believe that is the time when it is most necessary.

May you get everything you need in 2013 and perhaps if you are lucky everything you want.

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