Sunday, March 25, 2012

B.S. - not what you think..I'm LOL

Some people are just funny.  I know many such people, and it helps.  Finding humor in any situation is the surest way to ease the pain.  And as I like to do, give credit when credit is due, a thank you for the humorous exchange of text messages I received last night when I did not have enough energy to meet an old friend who happened to be in town...trying to be honest about why I was "on the desert"- in the quick exchange of a text message is not the easiest, but I didn't want to lie or make up some false excuse- and the forthcoming exchange I got made me laugh - and laughing always makes you feel better - so maybe I will try some 5 hour energy drink - and I will definately blame Wade when everything else fails - why not, who knows... (and I apologize for a bit of inside humor here, so please insert your own good memories of old friends)

There is a huge difference between someone making "light" of my situation and someone making the best of it using humor, something when I am a bit isolated in the day to day grind of it all is easy to miss  - and the sarcasm brought me back to our high school days, days spent dancing in LaBott's basement to Neil Diamond, late nights of "phone fun"..."ma'am we have your cat..", Three Guys in Jumpsuits making crazy videos.  It was nice going back in time, a time where there were plenty of problems, but problems that the heaviness of  it all doesn't' sink in or isn't the burden of a 16 year old.  While we were in the basement, upstairs was a grandmother fighting dementia, a mother fighting cancer, and hopefully the hustle and bustle of teenagers in her house provided a necessary distraction rather than an annoying inconvenience.  I am pretty sure, the later may have been truth...but again, the protectiveness of a mother came out, putting her children's escapism in front of her own privacy.  Thank you Nancy - you are missed.

When my niece was here she kept taking my phone and taking massive amount of pictures and videos, and when I went through the 300 plus of them what caught me off guard were the images of myself that were caught in the background, and the story they told.  I noticed the pained look in my face, the holding on look of getting by when I didn't realize someone was looking, the fingers pressing on my temple.  These pictures and videos made me sad, and I realized I don't laugh as much since this illness.  Those around me day in and day out are constantly helping me with one thing or another, and with that spontaneous moments of laughter are fewer and further between - its not any one's fault, its the reality of the demands and stress this illness ripples through those you love, the exhaustion of the sameness of it all - and those text messages last night from someone on the "outside" were a pleasant distraction - and I hope that they are the new normal in the near future.

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