Thursday, October 17, 2013

Never Never Never...

Got it.

It's the third Never that makes it so different, I don't know when or precisely why Winston Churchill had that saying, "Never, never, never give up" but I do know the third never makes all the difference.  I could ask my uncle, I bet he knows.  The last few weeks really that is all I have wanted to do, give up.  But I don't even really know what giving up looks like when you don't really have a goal.  It's the food thing.  I have gotten use to the fatigue, the rapid heart beats for simple tasks, the body aches that have greatly diminished, but it's the damn food.  The phrase doesn't really help me out to much when that's all I have done, is give up food.

Food for the soul, I remember those days.  People use to laugh at all I could eat, and I was never shy at a dinner party.  My goodness if I didn't have so many Jewish friends I think I may have considered converting after discovering that their Holidays are filled with the most amazing food, latkes, brisket, liver pate with little pickles and eggs on them, matzo ball soup, alright you can have your gefilte fish.  It's one of my first memories of having difficulty eating something, I was at my friend Sandy's and I normally eat latkes faster than she could serve and I noticed I felt a bit funny after having one.  So the next time I thought since I had a bit of trouble with some apples it was the applesauce, no big deal what's better than sour cream?  But then it happened again, that was my first little hint that soon potatoes and apples would be off the menu.

It is daunting to not be able to eat with ease and pleasure anymore.  And now as I have hit the 40 and fabulous I seem to be in possession of what ironically is called a "muffin top" combining my restrictions on food and my restrictions on exercising I fear that may be here to stay for awhile.  The caged bird, once again, I know why you sing.

So on days when I do feel like giving up, giving up writing, giving up trying, giving up really everything I think of the third never...and somehow, someway the third one helps me carry on.  I figure someone who decided the third one was necessary must have been in pretty dire straits...and I will be googling Mr. Churchill the second I publish this post and gain some knowledge that I clearly left behind...or call my Uncle for the cliff notes.

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